Understanding power structures

If you’re going to study any isms, the first thing you should really look at is power structures – how society has traditionally structured itself and evolved. In feminism, this is often called the “Patriarchy” (rule of the father/male role models). In terms of intersectionality – which is about where feminism meets anti-racism, meets class issues, etc (ie minorities in different categories) – this is called the Kyriarchy… The interaction between different systems of domination and submission.

I start with the Patriarchy as this is the one I most commonly can relate to. This is the idea that in western society most things are geared towards men – that society values the role of men much more than the role of women, and denies women the same opportunities and equality. There are lots of stats around but what is most well-accepted is that there are more CEOs who are men than women, and more MPs who are men, than women. Why is this? There is nothing in the requirement of being a CEO or an MP that inherently discounts women – it is not an explicit requirement, for example, to have a beard or a penis, or any other thing which we dictate to be ‘male’. Levels of testosterone or maleness should not dictate that you cannot be a CEO or an MP. Yet women continue to be under-represented in these fields. Women are also paid much less in work – again, there are statistics and reports on this out there, should you wish to find them. Yet women are over-represented in the public sector – why is this? This is what feminists talk about as the Patriarchy – that “men” as a group are generally dominating, and much better off than women are. That is entirely different to saying that individual men hold power – although some do, this is clearly an inaccurate generalisation.

It’s a fairly simple concept, once you understand it, and one you can apply to any arbitrary category of society – for example, with regards to sexuality, ‘heterosexuality’ is the dominant group and ‘homosexuality’ is the oppressed. It follows thusly:

- Cisgender people are dominant, transgender people are the oppressed.

- White people are dominant, non-white people are oppressed.

- Men are dominant, women are oppressed.

- Middle class is dominant, working class are oppressed and exploited. You could even take this one further and look at the ‘ruling classes’ (ie politicians, nobility, etc) as dominating over all, including the middle classes. Then the middle class dominate over those below them, and so on – so the lowest class in society is oppressed by all of those above it.

That is not to say that anyone who happens to fit into one or all of these dominant groups is a horrible person – just that society is automatically geared towards giving them an advantage. They are privileged. These are social structures of power. It is easy for one person in the dominant group to have power over someone in the oppressed group. And while it is possible for someone in the oppressed group to be horrible to, or not like, those in the dominant group, I maintain that it is impossible for there to be ‘isms’ in this context. It is in fact entirely understandable why people in the subordinate group may hate those who have been oppressing them. Allan Johnson explains this in The Gender Knot (2005):

“Given the reality of women’s oppression, male privilege, and men’s enforcement of both, it’s hardly surprising that every woman should have moments when she resents, or even hates, ‘men’.”

It is not possible for women to be ‘sexist’ against men. It is not possible for non-whites to be ‘racist’ against white people. There is a distinct difference between group interactions (ie systematic oppression from society and its rulers – who are, incidentally, mainly cisgender, straight, white, middle class men) and individual interactions. There is a difference between me growing up in society, feeling that the message I’ve heard is “as a woman you are worth less than a man” – and me insulting an individual man, telling him he is not good at something/making generalisations. That might be wrong and not-very-nice, but it is not sexist; it is not misandrist (I have already argued that misandry doesn’t exist here and here). It is me disliking an individual man. Whereas a man doing the same thing to me, does so in a generally anti-women and hostile environment that affects me to a large extent and has a negative effect on my behaviour and the way I perceive myself (see street harassment that happens worryingly regularly if you happen to be a woman and go outside your own house). That’s sexism, and that’s why women need to fight back.

The reason that women – and other oppressed groups – feel the need to have women-only safe spaces, and should be allowed them, is that they can achieve much more without the interference of the aggressors. Some women feel deeply uncomfortable discussing feminist ideas in front of men, because they feel that men will dominate the conversation – this aggressive hijacking of the conversational thread or debate happens all the time in every day life where the dominant groups take over. It’s called derailing, and as a ‘privileged’ member, it takes a while to see that you’re doing it. This is why, when people discuss racial issues, I fully support them and I add my two cents if need be – but I’m more intrigued about following what the people who have to live with abuse due to their skin colour, have to say about it. I try to listen more and speak less. What can I possibly have to add? I have never been the victim of a racial attack and I never will be, and I suspect they are fed up of white people claiming the mantle for themselves.

What is really interesting about power structures is that once you see one (of course, I started with the patriarchy) you begin to see all. I once would have considered myself the victim of a ‘racist’ attack, where I was called a “white whore” “white prostitute” “fucking white slag” and so on by a group of young black men. I was shaken up by the experience – but the more I thought about it later on, the more I realised that, had they called me “whitey” I wouldn’t have had an issue. There is no historic meaning or basis for insults against white people – whereas there is a rich, awful history and background to, for example, the ‘N’ word. What was hurtful and awful about me being shouted at was that I was being called a prostitute, a slag, and a whore, simply because I was female. It didn’t matter what colour my skin was – it was sexism rather than racism. I think this really sums up my understanding of power structures, and it’s why – among a great many other things – Diane Abbott isn’t a racist.

Fighting oppression via the medium of… Uh, cupcakes

A while ago, I read a piece somewhere online about young feminists not knowing what the Fawcett Society was, and how terrible it was (well, sort of). I hope I can be forgiven this this feminist faux pas – and perhaps even prove that maybe the FS is not the be-all and end-all, nor the definitive line of British feminism.

We have all heard the stats about women basically being ignored by consecutive governments; how cuts and redundancies will hit women hardest and nobody cares or bats an eyelid or does anything about it. Women are being trod on left, right and centre. We can all agree that this is not restricted to Conservatism – Labour were just as bad. But it’s all okay. Because the Fawcett Society are taking a stand! There’s a protest soon. A protest that requires you ‘dress up’ in a 50s theme. Can’t make it? It’s alright – you can host your own tea party!

I could cry.

I get that it’s trying to be ironic. “The government are taking us back to the 50s, we need to show them we won’t take this anymore” etc. But irony doesn’t wash with feminists when it’s being used on terrible, sexist t shirts. It doesn’t wash when men make sexist jokes. Why should it wash with other women that we are allowing ourselves to be portrayed in this way?

Obviously, I am all for the protesting. I am all for sisterhood and displays of it. Playing dress-up and baking cakes for your nearest and dearest is, I’m sad to say, absolutely not civil disobedience, and doesn’t say to anyone: “I’m really angry and I’ve had enough”. What it says to me is: “I have the money to go out and buy an outfit so I can play dress-up for the day, and I have the luxury of time to be able to bake cakes and have a tea party”.

The thing is, it appeals to a particular breed of feminist. It appeals to the ones that don’t particularly want to get their hands grubby, the ones who are most probably not going to be affected by these changes that the government are putting through. I am not saying that people cannot represent others who can’t go. But I find that the very nature of this form of protest really smacks of privilege, and is kind of offensive to those women who are not geographically able to physically protest, who don’t have the money to spend on a new ironic 50s outfit, and who don’t have the time/skills/money to host a tea party.

Those women who are too busy working several jobs and trying to run a house who are actually being affected – does this protest speak to them? Does it speak to me? No. I want a protest with fire in its belly. I want brilliant slogans, fantastic creative banners. We women are just as good at being resourceful, creative, and bloody angry – just the same as our male counterparts. How can you reduce such a group to such a small and conformist idea?

Underneath it all, it says: Well, this is what we’re good at, ladies. We are good at being hostesses, and we’re good at shopping and we’re good at baking – we may as well face up to it and use our inherent biological assets and skills as a tool for protest.

No, no, NO. It’s not subversion, it’s submission.

I am glad that they are doing something (incidentally this is the first thing I’ve seen) but in short, it’s a really, really terrible concept and I honestly think I am damn well vindicated for largely ignoring the Fawcett Society up until now.

On fear of street harassment being ‘ridiculous’

[Potential trigger warning - I realise I have not been good at pointing these out in the past]

I linked to this guide for men – ‘how to approach strange women and not be maced‘ – on Twitter and Facebook. I tweeted yesterday that a friend’s response to the piece was that it was patronising, and I quote: “Get a fucking grip. Someone spoke to me on the train! Oh no! I think I might cry, please someone call the police my rights have been encroached upon!” I then tweeted:

That’s a quote from a man who clearly doesn’t understand that actually yes for some women being spoken to by strangers IS harassment.

I seem to have ruffled a few feathers, from “You don’t honestly believe that do you?” to suggestions that I need a “reality check”. No, I think they are the ones who need a reality check – to realise that many, many women feel this way but wouldn’t ever say it. Purely because this is the kind of reaction they get. “Don’t be ridiculous. Not every man is a rapist. You’re being far too paranoid.”

This smacks of complete ignorance to the fact that when women are raped they are constantly told they could have done more. They could have not gone out on their own. They could have not been so drunk. They could have worn something different. Yet when we take measures to protect ourselves, we are being irrational?

I have had my bum pinched, been shouted at, been stopped in the street to be told I am “beautiful”, I have had horrible experiences with men I know, or men that I felt safe with. I have been sexually assaulted by a bouncer in a club – when leaving the club, as he requested, he decided to change from aggressively pushing me out of the door, to pulling me towards him “Gimme a kiss! Gimme a kiss!” … I have never fought so hard in my life. A bouncer. They are supposed to stop this sort of thing happening, aren’t they? He did the same to my friend. I wanted to report it but I didn’t think I would be believed, so he is probably still working at the bar. Perhaps he has raped someone there. Who knows?

There is, of course, a distinction to be made between actual rape and street harassment, both being on the same scale but at different ends. Street harassment is milder, but still encompasses everything from a wolf whistle to physically touching a woman, to exposing oneself in public. This happens to women all the time. I don’t think men understand that. In any given month I have probably experienced at least one example of street harassment. On a night bus home once, I saw a man masturbating in front of me. Could I say anything? No. Did anyone else notice? No. But it shook me up, and it made me feel sick, and it made me feel powerless and disgusting.

This happens to women as regularly as it rains. All the time. How do we know that the man approaching us is simply wanting to ask the time, or wanting something more? Maybe he ‘just’ wants to touch our breasts. Who knows? I’m not sure what is so horribly offensive about me wanting to reduce the risk of being attacked in any way. I really don’t. And as for ‘crying’ about it – when people approach me, do I cry, punch them, or react in a negative way? No. Of course not. But my mind goes into overdrive, thinking ‘Can I get out of this if I need to? Where can I go? What do I have on me that could hurt him if I needed to? Is anyone else around that could help me?’ I think of how I can survive it, should I need to. But externally, I’m warm and friendly. I answer their question, or listen to what they say. I don’t know why so many people are offended by my need for self-preservation. I am never rude to people unless they warrant it.

I’m not the only woman who feels this way, I can guarantee that. And I’d appreciate it if I wasn’t called ridiculous, for feeling (and for me, it is just a feeling; not a reaction) something that is a perfectly justifiable reaction to situations that have gone awry in the past. What is ridiculous, though, is that I have to live in this sort of world where I am forced to second-guess everyone and everything. I have to think of every possible scenario and prepare myself for any eventuality. That article about how to approach women has some great advice for men on how to be less intimidating, and actually, more respectful to women who are strangers. I don’t see the issue myself.

International Anti-Street Harassment Day

If you didn’t know it, today is International Anti-Street Harassment Day. I can’t take part in it physically as this is the first year and as is to be expected, there’s not much going on near me, so I thought I’d participate the best way I know how!

What is ‘street harassment’?

Street harassment is a piece of the huge jigsaw that is rape culture and it happens to loads of women everywhere, every single day. I don’t think the term ‘street’ is literal (or at least it isn’t to me); more a reference to generally being out and about in public places. It can happen in the street, but it can also happen in clubs, pubs, at house parties, at concerts, or in the shops. It’s where any form of harassment is carried out – though the focus of Anti-Street Harassment Day tends to be sexual harassment. So you’ve got inappropriate touching, being shouted at, being stalked, and the list goes on.

It’s a feminist thing, but men are not excluded

On IWD, a lot of men chimed up ‘what about us?!’ and not only is there an International Men’s Day for you, but you’ll find that concepts in feminism – even rape culture and street harassment – can apply to men too. As an example, I went out clubbing with my housemates to a gay bar. My male housemate was accosted in the toilets by a gay man who wanted him to keep the toilet door open so he could see. When politely told no, the man went to the cubicle next door, pulled himself up in between the two cubicles and confronted him again. Luckily, he didn’t see anything, and my housemate was polite and told him to go away. Yet for the rest of the night, every time he went to the toilets, he was followed by the same man. Eventually, he decided he would go into the ladies’ toilets (for the club’s rules stated that men were allowed in the womens’ toilets but not the other way round) and ‘pretend to be gay’ in order to get away with being there.

He had to change his behaviour in order to avoid being harassed – and this is exactly the conundrum I and many other women are faced with every single time we go out. We want to look good, but we need to make sure that we don’t look so good that we’re ripe for the taking. If we wear a low-cut top, short skirt or anything slightly more revealing than a nun’s habit, we are to expect to be ogled and shouted at, maybe even approached, by men who think that they somehow have the right to say or do anything to a woman if they see enough flesh.

Street harassment is essentially ‘unwanted attention’

For as long as I’ve had a social life, I’ve been harassed by men when I’ve been out; even just walking along the street. One of my first memories of this is when I was about 14. I was walking home in my school uniform minding my own business. I don’t think I had an MP3 player then (nowadays I am never seen without one, because it works as a barrier to stop people from talking to me) so I could hear every single word. Three young black men who were standing on the other side of the road to me, or walking along, noticed me and started calling me a “white prostitute”, “slag”, “whore”, “fucking white bitch” and other variations; you name it, I was called it.

And for what? Walking home. In a school uniform. By this time I was past any shops that I could walk into, so I had no choice but to carry on, trying not to react to promote further shouting, or worse. I then realised that they were following me. My heart was racing, but all I could think was that if I could just make it home, I’d be safe. I got home okay, but they had followed me, right up to my doorstep, and rang on the doorbell. I remember crouching on the floor, hiding under the door window, hoping that they would get bored and go away. They did, eventually. But I refused to walk home alone from school after that, and for a few weeks I lived in fear that now they knew where I lived, they would come back.

Of course, that is probably an exceptional occurrence. You’d think, anyway. The most recent form of harassment I had was in Brighton at a Hurts gig. I’ll keep it short – there was a man stood behind me, crotch touching bum, breathing down my neck. He was much taller and of a bigger build than me and all of my friends, and when I politely asked him to move backwards he started shouting incoherently at me. I thought he was going to physically hurt me. Is it really that unreasonable to expect personal space when you’re a woman?

More subtle forms of harassment take place on a daily basis. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been touched, grabbed, or approached in an aggressive way by men, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. These are just a couple of my stories. If you want to find out more, there’s more information on street harassment at the Stop Street Harassment website.

The Feminism discovery

I am big fan of debate on Twitter. I love outlining a topic, throwing out ideas and seeing how different people – people who I have come to consider, very loosely, as ‘friends’ – view things.

So imagine my surprise when I started talking about the definition of feminism, and how on earth men can possibly self-define as feminist, and nearly drowned in responses. Our views of things are often dictated by our experiences. I have often been wary of the tag ‘feminist’, and suspicious of the motives of men who define themselves as such. To me, feminism has long been shorthand for ‘sleeping around and not caring’. Promiscuity shows defiance in the face of outdated social beliefs, right?

At one part in the debate, I was linked to this article, a review of Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism by Natasha Walter. I would like to personally shake the hand of the prostitute quoted in that article, for being so brutally honest in saying to Walter:”I believed what everyone said, that all this promiscuous sex was so empowering.” This is spot-on. I don’t want to get my bra out and burn it just yet, and these attitudes may seem archaic. You may laugh, to think that this kind of pressure is still put on young women; that it’s exaggerated. Not so. Growing up as a girl is extremely difficult – you have to tread the line of being liberal and feeling free to have sex with whomever you choose, and not having so much sex with so many different people that you’re a free-for-all. It’s the ‘slag-frigid’ line, if you will.

I discovered during this twitter conversation that my view of what counts as feminism had largely been propagated to me by men who are “feminists”. I don’t doubt they genuinely believe in equality between the sexes – but they use this as an excuse and a way to cajole women into bed. Ironic, huh? It’s not an explicit “I’m a feminist – let’s have sex”, it’s more an implied suggestion that because they believe in equality and empowerment, they are somehow doing you a favour – helping to empower you, as it were – by sleeping with you. My tweet about that was met with disgust and disbelief. Yet as a helpful follower added: “‘I want to help you find yourself‘ is another one. Sorry, I didn’t realise I was lost and a fuck would ‘find’ me.” I realised I was definitely not alone..

There’s a fair few ways in which sexism is absolutely inherent in society, and it’s been this way ever since I can remember. On a regular basis, women have to deal with sexism across the scale, from the explicit “You can’t play Guitar Hero, you’re a girl!” to the implied and downright manipulative “Well, everyone else I shag is a feminist and they think it’s ok…” In between you have to put up being slapped on the arse or otherwise touched in clubs; men leering at you as you drink at a bar (Heaven forbid you should want to go out drinking with your friends and not want sex!) and people trying desperately…Oh-so desperately, to get you into bed. This is hassle I can really do without.

My response is usually to just sigh, roll my eyes and try and ignore it. I’m exploding with rage inside, but I don’t shout. Actually, I don’t even usually bat an eyelid, let alone say anything. Why? Because society has told me that this is the burden of being a woman. This is what will happen to you for the rest of your life and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s no point in arguing back because they might get aggressive. So just sit and take it, and hopefully they will get bored and leave you alone.

So as outraged as I am that a report by a Tory think-tank – led by a woman nonetheless! – has concluded that the battle for equal payment for women has been won, it’s hardly that surprising. Somebody please tell Dr Catherine Hakim that past progress does not mean we can sit on our laurels, have a cup of tea and take a break. (And then do the washing up afterwards, before making sure the house is spotless…) Perhaps this is the best we can do (though I doubt it) with regards to legislation but why actually stop striving to improve? This is the kind of ridiculously backwards attitude that leads to stagnation in society. This is the kind of attitude that lets young girls down. We need to constantly push for better, in every aspect of policy; in every aspect of our lives.

Don’t settle for “Well, we’ve come so far, this is as good as it gets” when it comes to policies, sexism and gender equality legislation. And don’t sleep with anyone who says they’re trying to help you ‘find’ you or empower you. You can ‘find’ and empower yourself quite sufficiently without them.